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Yesterday I became the guy everybody hates. You know the guy on his Blue Tooth walking around Wal-Mart talking way too loud begging for attention. Of course I didn’t realize what I was doing until I saw the pained look on the Bank Teller’s face when I handed him my check. I think I blushed. I slowly walked away with my head in my hands and felt the shame of hypocrisy. Next thing you know I’ll be eating at the Olive Garden on a Sunday afternoon with a Blue Tooth in my ear…not on a call of course!
There is something I don’t understand…
Why is it when an attractive woman flashes a guy it becomes one of the greatest days of his life but when a man flashes a woman it quickly becomes the worst day of her life?
I know, I know naked men are not nearly as attractive as naked women but still…
Why is it necessary for doctors to drive expensive cars with license plates that say stuff like, “Footdoc” , “thedr”, “doctor”, we get it you are better than us. We already feel like idiots when we visit your office (the robes even when you are getting your face checked), why the reminder of your superiority outside of the office?
I know one thing–”buttdr” probably isn’t taken yet.
I just got a special V.I.P invite from American Express to buy New Kids on the Block tickets. They are back together for another tour…I’m so thrilled!
Don’t you love how these bands get back together all of the sudden. We all know why they do it–$$$. Sadly we as American Consumers will pay money to see sub-par entertainment such as NKOB. I really don’t get it. They weren’t any good 15 years ago, why would they be any better now? What’s funny is that NKOB’s fanbase will probably look something like Barry Manilow’s fan base–a bunch of mid-age mom’s. But the scary kind, the kind that keep viles of Donnie’s sweat, that they got from the last concert in 92, on a necklace.
The tour will probably make 100 million dollars. The good news for us is that once it’s over we won’t see them for another 15 years…until reunion #2, when they will all be sponsored by Viagra.
I saw this while out on a neighborhood stroll…thought it was pretty funny and very true…
Please allow me to apologize for not writing the last couple of weeks-I have been quite busy! But never fear, I’m back and better than ever.
I want to share something you that really bugged me this weekend. We just got back from a trip to Yellowstone and while we were watching piping hot water come out of the ground (I know it’s a conspiracy–there are little guys with a fire house underground squirting out of a hole but regardless) and enjoying the scenery and beauty of the scene some idiot gets on his cell phone and starts talking about as loud as you can without getting to screaming level. “Yes, we’re at Old Faithful. Just checking things out..blah blah blah…” It really pissed me off. Who does that? I know it isn’t like we are at church or something but come on, I didn’t wait to see water spray 80 ft in the air and listen to you talk to your great aunt about how you are at Old Faithful…drives me nuts!
I guess Old Faithful really did blow this time. (Get it blow! HA!)
I have been thinking, very deeply I might add, about what is the greatest stomache ever is. I’m not talking about the Denny’s “Triple feta, green bean, chili, broccoli, asparagus, nacho cheese, omelette” I’m talking about the stomach ache you receive after eating really good food–even though you know you could be on the toilet for a week and a half after.
There are two I don’t think you can beat:
1. Thanksgiving Dinner
2. In and Out Burger, fries and chocolate shake.
I’m sure I’m missing something good–what do you got?
Last night the little lady and I were watching a little Television when I completed the worst exchange between stations to ever occur.
I went from Maroon 5 (Horrible band, I don’t care what you say they suck)
to
Kobe Bryant winning the MVP. Tell me that isn’t the worst change in history!!
I was stunned at such television barf. I went in my room and took a break to recover.
Dearest friends,
I have a perplexing problem. I can’t decide if I should watch the Jazz game or not tonight. Most people will watch the teams that they love. But you see I have a bit of a curse. Every time I watch the Jazz on T.V. in a big game, they choke like Latrell Sprewell. I can’t decide. Maybe I need to just watch until the Jazz suck (which they usually do) then turn it back on hoping that they turned it around. What do you guys think?
Your biggest fan,
Cursed in Utah
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,354266,00.html
I know how he feels. I haven’t taken my Tom Jones endorsed speedo off since 1988. It’s a little snug.
